Post Partum: The Part No One Prepared Me For.

What I didn’t know after my first 2 births was that the real transformation doesn’t end when the baby is born-it deepens in the days, weeks and months that follow.

After my first caesarean, I felt a darkness settle in, a lingering sadness, disconnection and guilt.

I didn’t know at the time it was the beginning of Post Partum Depression. I thought maybe I was just doing things wrong. Everyone else seemed to be coping, smiling, bonding.

I didn’t feel like myself, and I didn’t know how to ask for help.

My second birth, also a caesarean ,brought more of the same.

I remember being in a room full of people and felling completely alone. I didn’t have the emotional support , I craved or the practical help I needed. I cried every day and held a deep sadness , yet knew I had to continue to care for my babies.

I carried on, silently telling myself this was normal, that this was Motherhood.

It was a dark and lonely time, there were moments I thought, “Maybe they’d be better off without me”. Those thoughts terrified me but they were real.

It wasn’t until my third birth, my VBAC, that I experienced what post partum could be-what is should be

This time I had people around me who nourished me. Fed me. Checked in on me, not just my baby. I learned to ask for what I needed.

The birth itself was powerful, but the after was just as healing. There was still exhaustion and the caring of 3 children- but I didnt feel alone. I felt held. And that changed everything.

I rested, I recovered and I bonded with my babies. Those early days of motherhood can feel lonely- I’ve been there, I remember them well.

This is why I do the work I now do, with women in pregnancy, birth and motherhood. I want women to know what is possible when you are deeply, truly supported.