Birth #1 Breech, Fear, Trust.
With my first pregnancy, I was healthy and well, everything was smooth.
I didn’t think too deeply about birth. We were under the care of an Obstetrician and, like so many, we trusted the system completely. We were both naive - we didn’t know there was any other way.
We attended the hospital birth class, but honestly didn’t get much out of it. I was just going with the flow, doing what I thought was normal. I didn’t realise how much I didn’t know.
At 39 weeks we found out our baby was breech. I remember feeling surprised, but also hopeful- I said I wanted to try to deliver. But was quickly met with warnings and risks. The way it was presented made me feel there wasn’t really a choice.
So I listened, I trusted and I booked in for a caesarean.
What followed was not the joyous, love filled moment I had imagined.
The birth felt cold and clinical. I was separated from my baby for hours. The room was sterile, the atmosphere detached. I felt pain both physical and emotional - and above all, I felt lonely.
I didn’t have words for it at the time, but I now know it was the beginning of a deeper questioning - knowing that birth could be something more.
This birth changed me-physically and emotionally. I carried the weight of it into my second pregnancy, still unsure, still naive, still trusting the system.
Still hoping things might be different.